I’m a nerd at heart and play lots of video games, watch a lot of TV shows, and am also a writer and artist! I’m currently writing a dark romance fictional novel on Patreon where you can also read my poetry and prose for free. While I can draw, I prefer web-design due to the fact I’m a perfectionist and being able to create layouts to the pixel is very satisfying. However, I am trying my best to get back into drawing by illustrating for the novel I’m working on as well as other writing projects!
I was diagnosed with BPD* in 2016 while active duty in the Marine Corps, stationed in MWSS-171 Iwakuni, Japan. This was a large turning point in my life and the start of an emotionally painful healing journey.
*Borderline personality disorder is a mental health condition that affects the way people feel about themselves and others, making it hard to function in everyday life.
– Mayo Clinic
While in the Marine Corps, I served a total of 4 years as a Heavy Equipment Mechanic and was honorably discharged as a Corporal. I enlisted for the sole reason to be as far away from my family as I could, and I knew the military would accomplish that for me. I spent my first two years stationed in Iwakuni, Japan then completed my service in Camp Pendleton, California.
I met my now husband while in my last platoon, 7th ESB. I was a Corporal while he a Lance Corporal which caused a lot of drama. Not to mention selling access to my Snapchat during the last year of active duty which had one of my Sergeant’s on it. Yes- I absolutely was a barracks bunny while stationed in Japan. However, I learned later that I was using risky sex as a way to self-harm which has done immense damage to my psyche.
I started sex work mostly as a way to learn how to love my body but also in hopes of teaching me how to set and enforce boundaries. While I still struggle with being a people pleaser, sex work taught me more than I could ever expect.
More recently, I have been diagnosed with AuDHD and ARFID*, which I already assumed, however- it’s now official! I’ve added medications to my daily intake to help with this. While it’s been helpful, I still do not desire to eat food, I simply just can feel my hunger cues more easily now. Having safe foods that I can easily grab and prepare easily have been the best for me personally.
*Individuals with ARFID limit the volume and/or variety of foods they consume, but unlike the other eating disorders, food avoidance or restriction is not related to fears of fatness or distress about body shape, size or weight. Instead… selective eating is motivated by a lack of interest in eating or food, sensory sensitivity (strong reactions to taste, texture, smell), and/or a fear of aversive consequences (choking or vomiting).
– National Eating Disorders Association
Today I am healing from the wounds I received mostly by my family or by those adjacent them who were also “followers of Christ”. These wounds include sexual trauma, grooming, body shaming, and various experiences including religious psychosis. Due to this, I am creating a lot less content compared to when I was using hyper-sexuality to cope with my trauma. I hope my fans will be patience with me and appreciate any new content I actually manage to produce and post during this time.
Overall, I’m someone who started to learn how to heal later in life than she would have liked and most of that healing I owe to sex work and the sex workers I’ve befriended along the way that continue to inspire me and educate me today. 💕